Losing a Loved One

I've been MIA for a while and not really of my own choosing. I recently lost my brother and the loss hit me hard. I've lost people I've loved before...my dad, father-in-law, grandparents, friends...But to lose a sibling is such a different and profound loss. I suppose it's because it reminds us of our own fragility. That we are not immortal.

It sounds stupid, we're all adults. We're well aware of the fact that we are not immortal, but when your brother dies, and it's sudden...it just goes to remind you that you were spared today. Your ticket wasn't punched...but it could be. It's the fact that you know it could have easily been you, that makes the loss so much more devastating. I guess it's also very selfish.

I can't even imagine what my mother is going through. No parent wants their child to go before them. She said that she feels his absence in her heart. That though she has all her "chicks" (her term for us kids) around her, she knows one is missing. I used to love to tell people that I was the youngest of seven. The look on people's faces was priceless. I would go on to say that "Well, my mom is Catholic..." and that would always produce a laugh. Now, I have to get used to saying I am one of six. I can't for the life of me wrap my head around it.

Things have slowed down for me. Writing pretty much stopped for a month. There was no desire, plus I had nothing to say. I had just released a new book when he died, but didn't do any promotion for it. I just didn't feel like it. Now after a long break, I've started writing again. I'm working on the third Natalie Miller book. I had plans to have it finished by this month, but that is not going to happen. I've found that I've missed my friends, these characters I created and I need to throw myself into another world and lose myself for a bit.

So, that's my plan. I'm going to write and see where Natalie's crazy adventures lead. It's comforting to fall back into my writing and honestly, it's cathartic. Hopefully combined with time, I'll pull myself from the funk:)